Things You Can Punch!

Lately I have been thinking, I am losing my sense of humour. I mean, What kind of title is that? Anyway, I will get to my point. I am title-ly exhausted.

Sorry.

There are socially acceptable things that you can punch, in agony or just because…? And then there are things forbidden in holy texts. If you were like me, who faced this awkward predicament certain times in life, worry no more.
Here is my research. I got stipend for it, so it’s pretty legit.

Your Brother

“I thank thee father, for thee were pretty understandable. I hadst wanted a nice Punching bag of sorts.”

Forgive my Hispanic.

This is like Tesla’s thumb rule. Yes, Tesla too had a thumb, get over it. If something troubles you, you punch your brother. No questions asked, no justification needed.
Test your limits while you are at it. Throw a paperweight at him or a fridge. See if he can take it.

Old People

No! You can’t punch them, you Monster! They are old.

They may nag a lot, smell like you do when you FORGET to take shower for DAYS and have the authority to kill a minority…

Okay.
Apologies again.
You can’t punch them.


Here is Jack Nicholson flipping you off for even thinking about it.

Housemaid

A survey suggests nobody trusts housemaids. Remember you lost your ring that day? And you kept searching for it everywhere? Yea!

It’s not your fault. I mean, how can YOU lose something so valuable? Maid did it. Fuckin bitch, right? Evil money gobblers waiting for a salary hike every month.

But she is not your bro, she will die. Historical data suggests maids have a tendency to faint untimely. Still society trusts you more than any maid. Choose your punch wisely.

Human Babies

Nah, can’t do it. Apparently, you kick the babies and watch them roll. Punching babies is not a thing, and honestly doesn’t even sound cooler than…

Drunk Guy

Doesn’t matter how much intoxicated he is. If he smells even faintly of booze, you have the upper hand. “He” because you can’t punch a “She” unless you a “She”. That’s just how equality works man.

Anyway, trust me. #PunchTheDrunk.
Also, #LegalizeMarijuana.

Dogs

Oh no! That’s a sin. You can’t sucker punch a dog trying to manipulate you into giving it food and shelter using its looks and that “aww” inducing sound.

“Why would you look at me like that? You think I am stupid, you fuckin dog? Take this”

*punches dog*

And the video leaks and the entire social media turns into a dog advocate overnight.

If you have trust issues like me, avoid those four legged creatures.

Poor People

Punch them. Run over them. Give them some money.
Just make sure Arundhati Roy isn’t looking.

Seven is enough. I thought of listing more but then none of the digits would rhyme with “enough” anyway.

Well, to the conclusion now!

Enough. Bye.

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