Small, Medium or large, I have no clue if that’s how you order at Starbucks or any other sophisticated coffee shop which would have crass figures like me for a date. I can’t show off that side of me. It doesn’t exist. If it would, I hope that version of me reads this.
Fuck the coffee!
What are you going to do? Order a glass of milk, sugar and stimulant and try to strike off a conversation with a person you just met? Go ahead, make yourself comfortable.
Make yourself comfortable because this is going to be a long fuckin boring ride. An unintended drag. Ironically, you are just going to stare at that table thinking of things to ask.
People have the tendency to ask harmless personal questions every time they meet someone, and that repeats n times in n meetings.
“Where are you from? Do you like watching movies?”
I tell you what! Save that for text chats. I am out of my house and work. I am meeting you. Let’s get ourselves into something we can talk about later. This insignificant small talk would take most of my time and I wouldn’t remember shit you said. I don’t care about your parents, or how many siblings you have or if you are a good person.
Let me discover you!
I am not going to remember your version of yourself. I mean, come on! You are the protagonist of your story, why would you tell me you flip off small kids or you pee on candles. People are inherently weird. You just have to observe them. The only time they become passive is when they start talking about themselves.
Suddenly, self-consciousness takes over and politeness craps on everything.
And it’s just not about me. You wouldn’t remember the things I will tell you about my life. Why? Well, you cannot relate. And you don’t care. This bullshit lasts for a short span.
So let’s go bowling or see if you can tap dance. Maybe take a hike to some place you haven’t explored. There are so many experiences waiting to happen. So many weird ideas to talk about! Like punching giraffes maybe (Okay, just an illustration) or making racist jokes (Calm down, people!).
But no, you like the fuckin coffee and the small talk and the chair and the round table with stained table cloth. I would rather stay at home and watch Spongebob cooking crabby patties than have that awful sip of cream.
“…so let’s get some coffee?”
“Only if it comes with booze in it.”